Women who don’t want to be mothers DW Documentary.

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okay a box and this is my show about not

wanting children maybe it’s not that

I’ve always known I didn’t want to have

children it’s just that I’ve never known

that I wanted to have children if that

makes sense um I feel really lucky to

have been born now instead of a hundred

years ago if I had been born a hundred

years ago

not wanting children pretty much my only

options would have been to become a a

lonely old woman living in a gingerbread

house deep in the forest or be unknown

and I would have made a terrible nun I’m

really glad that I am Alive and I think

the maybe for quite a long time I wasn’t

I hadn’t reached a good grounded place

within myself it took a long time to

feel okay in being in the world it’s

okay that I’m here it’s okay that I

exist

there is so much pressure on women to be

a certain thing and one of those very

positive rules is to be a mother and a

mother who is very caring and nurturing

and happy at all times to have no child

now that is a massive pressure for

mothers and it turns out it’s also a

pressure for women who don’t want to be

mothers because if you don’t want to be

a mother I suppose but you are seen as

less of less of a woman less natural

less caring less nice less of a good

person contributing less and generally

possibly a bit of a waste of space in

the world of womanhood I read one study

from the 60s and they asked people for

three words to describe women who don’t

want to have children or women who don’t

have children and the three words they

came up with were infantile narcissistic

and neurotic

cuantos how many of you here agree with

this concept of non motherhood being

selfish

raise your hands don’t be scared la mano

sin miedo okay being a mother means

losing my identity when I’m a mother I

stopped being marina and I become the

mother of matamata ethics it in one run

of evil humans exist to be born grow

reproduce and die we want to perpetuate

our species or at least perpetuate our

genes because when we all die all that

we leave behind our children and the

genes we passed on Krita skin notes

there are women who do not have that

biological clock I don’t want to have a

child because I have doubts

I don’t feel physiologically that I need

to have a child

you see knows if women don’t feel it

could it be that it doesn’t exist

[Music]

no apparently there’s no such thing as a

natural word we create meanings through

conventions and codes we’ve established

as individuals who share a culture a

society we have decided that the word

woman means mother and a woman who does

not wish to be a mother has to explain

herself a lot she’s made to feel sooner

or later that she’s not accepted by the

norm or has no place in society

I think the overvaluing of motherhood as

an institution not of individual mothers

because I’m not anti mothers I think it

is so high at the moment to almost

counteract the fear around what happens

if more women choose not to have

children so it’s back to the shaming and

the stereotypes again emotionally

unstable teachers with little or no

understanding of child psychology may

have a permanently damaging effect upon

the growing personalities of the young

childless women do not exist in novels

in films as themselves ie as women they

represent something they nearly always

represent bad women well if you look at

fairy tales you look at snow right you

look at that Disney films if you look at

Cruella De Vil there’s a hydroponic our

nation’s bad women evil psychotic women

so we represent or deviants woman I’ll

show you who’s teaching this class so I

think childless women are now currently

their mothers are there as stereotypes I

think really what we need to do is we

need to bring them to the middle

we are being told that they will

certainly be alone

only with their cats feeding cats in the

alley

sitting at night a dark in your living

room really really miserable life and I

should say it might happen I don’t want

to deny it but it it will not happen for

all the women who don’t want to be

mothers and it creates a lot of fear

within young women because if this the

only image do you have in mind

okay yo tendrĂ­a que se why would I have

to be an Olympic champion if I didn’t

want to be I might have the ability the

talent and if I trained enough from an

early age I might become a marathon

runner or an Olympic champion gymnast

but maybe I don’t want that the same

applies to motherhood I might have the

biological capacity to give birth to

rear children I might even make a great

mother but if I don’t want to do that in

my life why should I have to if you do

not want a child there are certain

things that you will have to get used to

people saying to you they’re men one is

oh you’ll change your mind yeah so I

think it’s very enough to say about a

small issue you’ll change your mind like

if we were having a meal together and at

the starter stage I said oh I don’t

think I fancy a pudding it would be okay

for someone to say oh you’ll change your

mind but over a big thing like having

children you know how do they know your

mind better than you so I’m one of the

50% of women who don’t want children who

have always known that as he known that

since growing up sort of thing and it

was just something that I always knew in

my early 30s I began to question that

and I began to think hang on is it that

I’m just missing something am I is part

of me lacking and should I develop this

part of me and I realized now that was

all the pressure coming in the onion

questions pressure that that is the norm

that’s what I should be I should be a

mother we need to hear more people being

unapologetic about it and not I’m saying

I’m not missing anything I’m not lacking

anything I

I might be different to some people but

lots of us are different in in so many

different ways and that’s okay

and basically I suppose it’s something

up always spell I just didn’t think that

I’d ever had a biological clock or if I

did maybe mine with digital or had a

dodgy snooze button so chimera Lily I’ve

been a midwife since 1985 that’s over 30

years my mother got pregnant when she

was 40 I was about 15 at the time I said

to her when you give birth I want to be

there when the day arrived the day my

brother was born the Midwife instructed

me how to take care of him to give him

oxygen and place him under the heating

lamp it was such an experience to not

just look on but also be a part of what

was happening and that’s when I decided

I definitely had to become a midwife

I feel very fulfilled in my profession

it continues to move me I still get

nervous in certain situations being with

someone in such a crucial process it’s

reason enough to feel satisfied and

happy it’s 11 days if the question is

why does a woman or a couple want to

have a child I’d like to know the answer

experience tells me that it’s often to

keep the bloodline alive or to keep the

surname alive

but it’s all good our parents aware of

what awaits them I don’t think so

I don’t think they know there’s a lot of

couples have expectations and when you

have expectations based on a fantasy we

feel frustrated later at around 20 I’d

say at 25 today’s the question is not so

much if you’re going to have kids

but when that implies you made that

decision because it’s your duty

it’s a boudoir

okay let’s we’ll see that they put the

pressure that society puts on you is

what we women internalize and experience

as maternal instinct I don’t think that

maternal instinct exists as a biological

fact there are women who simply don’t

have it that argument alone should be

enough to discredit the whole ideology

of a maternal instinct whenever we

didn’t get a class a he comes away was

rootin goose the ark you run a my

federal examine premier Lancaster has a

farcical cool again la da da no boot in

the fish per capita I didn’t want

children because in this world everyone

is different

not everybody is born to carry out the

same role some are here to be a mother

others are here to research and discover

a cure for cancer when I was a teenager

I knew deep down that I wasn’t going to

have kids yes that wasn’t my room okay

you’re not in the first case you know

I’m older on

for the knocking defeat as not having

children has been a handicap here’s why

the mothers of pregnant women for

example sometimes say to me of course

you don’t have kids you don’t know what

my daughter is going through dozen

oncologists have to have cancer to be a

good oncologist no they don’t

I haven’t experienced what it’s like to

give birth myself but I have other

resources and skills that make me

competent to help others deliver and to

be an excellent professional you are

free to breathe to wave your arms and to

scream

all in your own way okay daddy he’s 12

you only have to look at the history of

women to see to what extent we are

conditioned by a society by culture by

our environment bageno viajando oh how

would you meet him in 18th century

France mothers were advised not to have

their babies close by and to send them

to the wet nurse 24 or 48 hours after

giving birth women who were part of the

bourgeoisie or the upper aristocracy

found the thought of breastfeeding their

babies disgusting and their reasoning

was I am NOT a cow okay uh-huh

the idea that babies were torn away from

their mothers is totally false they were

not torn away women were in fact

conditioned by this general discourse of

society so that was when I realized that

if this instinct did exist in humanity

it wasn’t a very powerful one let’s

suppose if a Lula

your Italy I don’t think maternal

instincts exist I think it’s all a

question of culture a little voice

doesn’t suddenly wake you up one day and

saying you have to be a mother

you didn’t just get remarried this

Casilla right at disco so tomorrow sure

a mother has the instinct to protect and

care for her baby but it’s a survival

instinct that all mammals have there is

a learning curve otherwise all women

would breastfeed we wouldn’t have to

organize campaigns or courses to teach

breastfeeding

it would just be instinctive humans are

the only mammals I know that need to be

taught how to suckle clothes wash and

hold their young

the world happiness sir they found that

parents happiness plummeted as soon as

they have children and then increased

again dramatically once the children had

left home perhaps that’s just a

coincidence a society expects you to be

automatically happy as a mother and

nothing else counts but of course that’s

not true you have to be grateful and

thankful you shouldn’t complain about

the negative sides talking about the

negative sides of motherhood is not

desired if people judge you as mentally

being mentally sick feature severity oh

man besides the owner out when my book

regretting motherhood was released I was

really surprised to meet people who were

threatening me like if I ever see you on

the street I’m gonna kill you I’m gonna

beat you up

you don’t deserve your child went as far

during the first year after I had

released my book that I’ve thought about

moving to another country people

automatically turn it into if you will

regret motherhood you hate your child

but it’s not true all the time I knew I

loved my child and I don’t know why I

always had to emphasize that I regret

the absurd stances of being

the preconditions it’s actually not so

difficult to understand before I gave

birth to my daughter I used to be a

photographer I’m still a photographer I

took photos in different countries and

with these photos I would program a live

show and this meant having to travel for

more than six months every year in the

first two years after my daughter was

born I continued with my work my

daughter it was a child that wasn’t very

complicated but still having a child

with you is a very stressful situation

so I stopped doing this show was because

of my daughter I had to change my

profession

yeah with your mother the issue of

motherhood has progressed in some ways

but there have been setbacks too

I officially been it’s another case of

history’s pendulum they’re fin moments

when women have had greater freedom

usually when they’re needed in the

public realm in times of war revolution

economic crisis BC economic however when

these crucial moments disappear from the

public eye women are always relegated to

the home again and this call back always

involves a child in uniform

when my husband was away for work and I

took care of my daughter nobody would

ask how do you deal without your husband

looking after your child is it okay for

you it’s like normal for the people you

were looking after the child

when I was away for work and my husband

would take care of my daughter he was

very often being asked so how does this

work

your wife is away is it okay for you can

you actually look after your daughter

properly don’t you have to work people

judge too much doesn’t matter what

you’re doing as a mother it’s never

right

look for senior Catholic the right-wing

Catholic offensive of the La Leche

League is this association that

developed the idea that women who didn’t

want to breastfeed were monsters it

removed in this discourse perpetuated by

a tiny group of women has gradually

reached an enormous audience

licking sickles to soothe this

ecological mothering movement harking

back to eternal wisdom has extremely

rough consequences for young mothers who

want to do everything right it’s a very

devious way of sending a woman back to

the home they told me the home we nearly

family me zoom under the guise of

modernity it sends us back to the Middle

Ages and that is intolerable

well I sit as she bought that the

expectations are always on the mother’s

side I was expected to take proper care

of my child I was expected to address it

in a proper way so it’s not cold I’m the

one who has to take my daughter to the

doctor I’m the one who is in charge of

picking her up from kindergarten her to

kindergarten always it’s the mother and

nobody expected my husband to do

everything mother is always there like

seven days a week 24 hours every day and

instead of thanking the mother and

seeing what she does

people are still complaining what’s

lacking and so in my opinion it’s easier

to be a father

me and Alfie were quite lucky we didn’t

have any family pressure and I think the

fact that as writers that we both make a

living as writers men our family are

basically just happy that we’re not

shooting up heroin in graveyards

anything beyond that is sort of a bonus

so we’re all right but of course there

is that social pressure for people for

women particularly then when I label

where I have a daughter I had her when I

was 19 I got pregnant at 18 I didn’t

want to have her I didn’t plan to get

pregnant or become a mother but I was

pressured into having her by my partner

at the time and my mother I put their

wishes before mine my mother said you’ve

had your fun right now face the

consequences it was sort of a way of

paying for having had sex something like

that

I threw myself into the role at first I

wanted to be a good mother I was

obsessed because I wanted to make up for

having been reckless

min Biff hit I began dressing like an

older woman I stopped going out I quit

doing all the things I liked

I stopped gaming I tried to disguise

myself as an adult woman so I’d be

respected I’d like to have changed

things I’d like not to have become a

mother

it’s hard to understand how you can

regret something that you had no say in

didn’t Orion you have a partner he

doesn’t treat you right or you’re

unhappy

so you leave him you have a career that

you don’t like so you just quit it but

when you’re a mother there’s no turning

back it’s like a scar it’s there with

you for life

so I’ve suffered from a lot of pressure

and anxiety there’s nothing I can do

there’s always a catch there’s never a

situation that makes everyone happy for

the first few years I was absolutely a

mother but my studies were the only

thing that could save me as they started

to take up more of my time my role as a

mother dwindled out of necessity it was

impossible to do both things

I started getting back my identity I

started talking about things online

expressing the way I felt as a result it

incited a visceral gut reaction in some

people they were rude they judged me

there are no safe spaces to question

motherhood without people lynching you

they assumed it meant I didn’t love my

daughter or that I was going to do her

harm I don’t think that they understand

it because they’re not you they haven’t

experienced it they don’t know what it

means so good to love a person but not

the circumstances that bind you together

okay

Vado la moneda we’ve made motherhood

seem like this incredibly romantic

perfect experience that gives us

constant happiness and satisfaction but

reality is not like that sometimes women

want to throw everything overboard some

even question if it was the right

decision we’re not told about that it’s

taboo I would like us to stop deifying

the mother the good mother the sacred

mother the holy mother it’s more

complicated than all that and few of us

can say that we’ve succeeded men for

example you can just refuse to pay child

support they can work abroad travel not

accept paternity and it’s absolutely all

right

but if you’re a mother they crucify you

and burn you alive like a witch

they see you as something unnatural or

if for example I put my career before

being a mother I’m judged we’re not

treated equally in fact men put their

career first

I mean the label mother really annoys me

it grates on my nerves it sort of

doesn’t fit with who I am inside to be a

mother I love my daughter so it’s really

complicated because I’d like to have a

different bond

my personal kitchen there are people who

are concerned about the environment they

say they recycle and all that but they

don’t know what else to do when I see

that they have kids I want to tell them

the first thing is not to have kids the

current situation is totally

unsustainable we’re constantly being

told that in order to keep consuming

this way we’ll need three more planet

Earth’s I don’t think it’s selfish to

decide to devote your time to yourself

your passion your job or to not want

kids all of that is respectable I

respect people who have kids but it’s

selfish to decide to have kids they

don’t see themselves that way they say

it’s the ultimate act of love the most

important thing in my life they say I

say the most important thing in your

life that’s selfishness and that’s fine

but we need to acknowledge their

considered selfish if you don’t want to

procreate even though the planet is

overpopulated

nobody needs more children we’re heading

for a world population of ten billion at

the same time it’s amusing to say that

I’m selfish as well because I have two

kids

I’m totally selfish with the family

grease me to tell

oona Vonnegut the woman who chooses not

to have children is not only not selfish

on the contrary she is being exceedingly

responsible responsibly I don’t see at

all that having no children is in any

way oppositional to a good community

based on solidarity

I feel I can assert or can I can give my

solidarity to other people actually even

better if I don’t have a child

you know like if I don’t have a child at

home to take care of you know I love all

you said yeah but a selfish attitude

would actually be to become a biological

mother come to that the generous thing

to do would be to adopt Activa yo creo

que el favor

I think that’s adopting a little boy or

a little girl is the ultimate act of

altruism we can consider in relation to

motherhood capo Dean consider a ratio

I’m attorney table

how would I ask so I suppose how many

guys I know in charge of communication

for the contorno

or mono organization I love my job

because I come from the world of art and

there’s also a social aspect to my work

we design large murals and organized

urban art festivals a large part of our

work however is with our education team

setting up workshops with people at risk

from social exclusion with primary and

secondary schools mr. tose mr. issa

confrontation I had myself sterilized

when I was 35 just over 4 years ago I

relied on free state health care and a

method called assure it creates a

natural barrier in the fallopian tubes I

was very nervous when I went to the

first appointment I knew that there are

doctors who sometimes turn down a

woman’s request for this procedure so I

was afraid they would refuse me there

was no biological reason for it I didn’t

have children

most women are treated like miners on

all levels of society we’re extremely

vulnerable in this case because there is

no established norm we’re entirely at

the mercy of the cultural religious and

personal opinion of this doctor there

should be a protocol in place men are

treated very differently I don’t know

any men who have been humiliated or

degraded or spoken to in a paternalistic

arrogant way when they requested a

vasectomy not a single one

someone booked with temple Gaston was

one of those we hadn’t been together for

long I told him in passing that I was

getting sterilized I knew it wouldn’t

shock him he knew my views and he’s very

open-minded again we have to amend a

throughout but he reacted even better

than I expected

young woman dokkaebi in Terraria because

he accompanied be and before I went to

the operating theatre he said I didn’t

mention it before but it’s your body you

don’t have to ask my opinion it was very

sweet for Gotham and I can think of

another reason which has gradually been

reinforced I’ve discovered more and more

works by feminist writers thinkers who

explain to what extent motherhood can

enslave women for me it was another way

of empowering myself taking control of

my body I choose not to have children

probably see the advertising and the

capitalist system have turned children

into a niche market the market has been

filled with stuff they don’t really need

parents are under tremendous pressure to

buy their children these things that

makes them more competitive

it’s another motto of capitalism

if you talk about population control or

where it is more necessary to have

lesser children it’s actually in the

Western industrialized countries you

know where we need less our children

because we are the ones who waste all

the energy who produce all the garbage

it’s not the people in poorer countries

who have more children who are the

problem for that

you want if you want to Nathan I define

myself as an antenatal list I believe

that humans are a plague and the worst

thing for this planet and for other

animals fewer people having children

isn’t a panacea but it might improve the

situation more effort is needed each

person uses resources and produces huge

amounts of waste our family is socially

aware we try and avoid plastic and such

but three or four people consume more

than one

you don’t know what you’re missing is

what people are saying I don’t think

that a sufficient reason not to do

something I mean I have never eaten

horse meat bean pop or married Donald

Trump but not knowing what I’m missing

is not sufficient reason to do any of

those things basically another thing as

we’ve heard another thing people will

say to you is but who will look after

you when you’re old now I didn’t know

that children were expected to be

unpaired care assistants I think if I

had children there would be as likely to

want to look after me when I’m old as a

conservative government will and another

thing people will say is oh but you

would have made a lovely mum now that

was quite insensitive I think how did he

know that I’m not having children

because I can’t have them and what do

they say it to people who’ve got a

terminal illness ah you’d have made a

lovely old person they probably wouldn’t

one of the things that you get to do as

a poet can be to run workshops in

schools or for young people and at first

I thought I’m not gonna like that cuz I

don’t like children but then the first

workshops that I did it was such a a

strange and good experience and to my

great surprise I found that I really

enjoyed working with particularly

children at 10 and above

I’m not here in a kind of a propaganda

against motherhood against mothers

against children or against childbirth

I’m sitting here in the name of calling

for more and more women will be able to

be the owners of our lives our bodies

our thoughts our emotions our decisions

our fantasies our dreams so I can’t I

must not sit here and tell other women

what to do Welman the real question is

is it necessary to have children without

knowing why

I wanna fall at Keith in mom having a

child entails such powerful unconscious

factors of external pressure that it’s

very hard to be certain that it was a

free choice our society is totally

fabricated and constructed so it could

all be different we could dream of a

completely different world

let’s stop having children think about

what type of society we want and why we

have children let’s call a strike a

birth strike let’s stop and think first

from learners we are women we have a

reproductive system that serves a

purpose but that is not necessarily a

woman’s purpose

I think the way people first then women

I don’t regret a thing I’m very happy

with who I am and where I am I love my

profession I love working it doesn’t

help if I’m not happy for always to

everything for my child but inside me

I’m unhappy because I don’t live my

dreams you have to be happy and then you

can have a happy child or happy children

too

local idea and today I think that the

idea of deconstructing the traditional

role of women and the family unit is

also very important if we’re to evolve

as a society I think it improves society

if we show more empathy more respect and

I think these are positive values

Viktoria people don’t know your story

they judge you without knowing what

happened or how you really feel they

only see the outside one of the things

that might save me is designing and

creating things these are things that I

really love

dawn will kill any woman who wants to

have children should have them the big

question is why should a woman who does

not want children have them the Nevers

you.

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